tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25880295589963838852023-11-16T06:31:15.587-08:00ChorleiterA place of openness, love, transparency, and reality. And certainly where I look at my journey from Mormonism to gayness.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-61130479745585891472012-07-09T13:03:00.002-07:002012-07-09T13:03:46.853-07:00Mischef ManagedDear friends,<br />
<br />
I've decided its a good time to end this blog and move on. It will remain for a time only as an archive. More current thoughts and frustrations of negotiating life, however infrequent and completing the mission of ending my 'single and available status' can be found from time to time on my personal blog<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=768470548338087563#overview/src=dashboard"> Man on a mission</a> Thanks for the memories. May your journey be blessed.<br />
<br />
~Sean~Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-59568935376626431512011-12-24T15:05:00.000-08:002011-12-24T15:05:31.091-08:00Another lonely season<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSqBoxPRiJVubi6MrbLKlet9Jq3xd4FOTrfyDsXv5i-RwZBTPei1Q" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSqBoxPRiJVubi6MrbLKlet9Jq3xd4FOTrfyDsXv5i-RwZBTPei1Q" /></a></div><br />
One would think that after several years that having a blue Christmas would only get easier, that yes, "It gets better." I seem to find myself in the same position year after year grasping to some naive hope that sooner or later things have to change for the good. But each year that goes by only confirms that no, I don't get any special favors from the deity at large or any return on all the positive karma I put out in to the universe. As I often seem to find myself writing, fortune favors all but me. I no longer look for anything under the Christmas tree (which I don't have) except for a small hope to find a guy who loves me for who I am and I love him for who he is. I wonder how many more years will go by with that empty space under my lonely tree.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-68507513861041795112011-07-17T08:45:00.000-07:002011-07-17T08:45:23.296-07:00One house, house forsale, its going cheap...Yes the house of shame is finally up for short sale. Going at a steal. Piles and piles of boxes at my new place and no time to unpack with all of the out of town work. Summer will be over before I get a chance to acknowledge it and I doubt I'll be able to get any Fall planning done. What to do.<br />
<br />
I just hope this ends up being a good move. So many firsts with this one, and I'll admit it, I'm a little terrified. I try to buoy myself with the idea that living in the city will present new opportunities. Especially with my currently non-existent love life. While there is always room for improvement in the career, being single is the only thing I continue to be extremely unsatisfied and unfulfilled with. With all these changes may that also change.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-12984132840919847452011-06-24T10:40:00.000-07:002011-06-24T10:40:23.136-07:00Life moves onI<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.seattle-downtown-hotels.com/images/img_about.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.seattle-downtown-hotels.com/images/img_about.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I'm moving up to the big city. Hello Seattle and a much nicer commute by foot! Come visit.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-38693550515617951732011-05-15T20:24:00.000-07:002011-05-15T20:27:01.442-07:00A late mother's day surprise<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="249" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/D4XqsdgLseQ" width="360"></iframe> <br />
<a href="http://youtu.be/D4XqsdgLseQ?hd=1">A special and rare musical tribute</a>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-47167134180583906502011-04-11T00:24:00.000-07:002011-04-11T00:24:31.186-07:00When its your timeWe never know how long we will have on the planet before our gig is up. With frightening regularity I find myself having to explain my anxiety about partnering up and settling down. Desiring a partner "at my age" is apparently the anti-sterotype in the gay world. I've alluded on some small level as to why that is here but I'm not sure that I've really come out and explained it. Aside from my still reoccurring dreams that plague me on a regular basis I was talking about this to a guy on A4A today. We were lamenting our inability to find guys interested in more than just coffee on a first meeting. I mentioned that I doubt love will ever be in the cards for me and like most nice guys he said "oh but of course you'll find someone, your attractive, intellectual and can hold a conversation unlike 85% of the gay populous.. more importantly you want to share your life with someone." But he was curious where my angst came from and I shared with him the rest.<br />
<br />
Not many have the ability to look in to a crystal ball and see what may be. This isn't something I've ever publicly shared but I am one of the unfortunate few that can. It is one of the weightier spiritual gifts I've carried with me and until now kept rather quiet about it only a couple people know and they have told me I am according to biblical parlance a "prophet" just as others have gifts of speaking or interpreting in tongues. Now I don't use an actual crystal ball but I do see things as snapshots, markers in time based upon certain outcomes. I often see things as a big picture first followed by the smaller events that must first occur in order to get to the big picture. Certainly it is something that could be abused if used unwisely but more often than not it scares the shit out of me. <br />
<br />
Its rare when I have the ability to see anything for myself personally. It may be a good thing actually. But the one event I keep trying to avoid is my own inevitable mortality. Now I don't really fear death. I have faced and foreseen the death of a loved one. I have even looked death squarely in the eyes while battling suicidal desires. Its the one thing I want to be able to change or alter in some fashion. Its also the one thing I can't get a clear vision on. Its always surrounded by a sort of digital snow where only a few frames of a scene pop in and out. But what little I can gather gives me great anxiety about my future. In some respects its like what happens in the Spielberg series Taken about the aliens and their interaction with humans. You see all your memories and all your fears in addition to all your future faults in such a way that you realize your whole life is really nothing but a mine field and there is no safe route. Just as Harvey Milk had the innate sense he wouldn't make it to 50, I have strong reservations that I will make it to 45. With what little I have to go on I also get the sense it will be incredibly lonely. Time and time again I get the impression I will never get to know genuine, intimate, reciprocal love in its truest form with a partner before I depart this earthly sphere. I don't believe I will find anyone willing to be in a relationship. As I have done in other situations I knew the outcome could be changed, I keep hoping that what I see for myself can be changed. But so far nothing has. It would seem I have no power to alter my own destiny in this regard. It frustrates, angers, and depresses me that everything for me will in fact be in vain if things stay on course.<br />
<br />
My anxiety in trying to find any chance at love is in hope that maybe what I see as my future can in fact be changed if not by myself perhaps by someone not originally in the initial equation. It gives me a great deal of motivation. Who truly wants to lead a lonely life however long it may be? Not I!Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-64227056870617518962011-03-21T09:08:00.001-07:002011-03-21T09:08:08.692-07:00Monday Sigh*Sigh*Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-54538801483567100312011-03-20T20:54:00.000-07:002011-03-20T21:46:44.600-07:00Forward looking, or forever cursed<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhc_QNLpD8Jtjo7OPUOyo9JAjjeDKLyXOGoO7DbHBWTyFDtmmpkFooAtX4YYodtP4eGgCrahHPgP8Gii_VZ4b5qyEhCUbsa82VpZey6vtDyw5Nbu8fdawQQh1iYPP7pNDIDiN_YpIZLELl/s1600/0_7104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhc_QNLpD8Jtjo7OPUOyo9JAjjeDKLyXOGoO7DbHBWTyFDtmmpkFooAtX4YYodtP4eGgCrahHPgP8Gii_VZ4b5qyEhCUbsa82VpZey6vtDyw5Nbu8fdawQQh1iYPP7pNDIDiN_YpIZLELl/s1600/0_7104.jpg" /></a></div>So what do you do when you don't know what to do anymore? I have found myself doing lots of thinking about my personal life lately and seeing where others find themselves going, most with great success, while I'm stuck on the sidelines. I've tried more dating sites than I care to admit. I've had a casual fling here and there. Even met guys through mutual friends or through various activies and organizations and chance meetings. The problem isn't me not liking them, but them not really being interested in me. Am I really that hideous and such a loser that everyone is just way too polite to say so? Maybe I have consistently bad luck in picking unavailable men that I'm not "supposed" to be attracted to. So far the majority of my hopefuls have fit in to the category of nice masculine guys that think they want big, burly, yet submissive (aka bottom) and hairy/bear type guys. Hair is one thing I do have, and a number of other admirable physical qualities, but I will never be any of the rest that seems to be what the guys I find myself attracted to want. Oh what to do...<br />
<br />
I've also noticed through the course of my being out that it seems these days one can't even go on a legit date anymore. Now you have to do all of this preliminary "hanging out" before you can go on an official date preceded by lots of online chating, IMing, texting... and only after one has decided they might be attracted to you will you get to make an "official date," provided preceding hanging out has already taken place. It seems a lot of guys these days are just this way. And when you do meet up, you start finding out that who they are really attracted to is a far cry from who you are. Then you learn their prequalifications for "the right guy" and when you think that this person they are describing fits you to the letter you start to realize that truly nice guys never win. Fellas, and you can't figure out why y'all are still single? Hello...who can compete with standards and situations like that? It's almost insulting to any human being to live up to a fictitious person, and run every possible piece of dating material through an unending gauntlet of intention-less activities.<br />
<br />
Some might accuse me of just wanting to rush in to it , but let's face it, if you really are interested in me and not just being buddies/friends you will be interested in some degree of physical contact or affirmation of mutual interest. I'm not asking for all out make out sessions with in the first several encounters, but a gentle touch on the back, or a hand on the knee or arm, or a brief holding of a hand for a moment signifies interest. If you don't reciprocate with a small amount of "touchy feely-ness" or even eye contact how is one to ever know if you are interested? For god's sake if you really are looking for a relationship don't be so shy as to never take a risk even with a casual touch.<br />
<br />
I really don't know why I subject myself to the constant defeat of all this anymore. Every month and year that goes by it just becomes more painfully clear to me that no-one gives a shit about me as someone worthy of having a relationship with. Too many like to offer their back handed support of "just hang in there" or "You're a cute nice guy who'll meet someone soon" and other such BS as if it is supposed to make me feel better. I'm tired of getting kicked in the mud. And I often wonder if I would have been better off meeting with that on coming train I was spared from 2 years ago. Maybe God does make mistakes.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-62689923552432371922011-03-17T12:25:00.000-07:002011-03-17T12:25:34.172-07:00GleeK<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.webtvwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/glee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="199" src="http://www.webtvwire.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/glee.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Ok, I admit it... I like the show. The Glee world is a buzz over finally getting what they wanted, Kurt and Blaine to kiss. Isn't it what we all want for those of us true to our identities... to get our true love. While musically the soul is worked out of the show with the extensive over production even though I think several of the cast have the chops to pull off a song with out the auto tune. Darren Criss (Blaine) who I was aware of long before glee via youtube and the "A Very Potter Musical" and other Starkid shows certainly doesn't need technology to sound good. Really its kind of remarkable since I saw those youtube shows around the time I came out. To see Criss in a rather gay show, while he isn't himself, is kind of a unique full circle moment for me.<br />
<br />
In any case the show does have something to say and it's all on the surface. No reading between lines... Really we're all losers trying to find our way and a place where we fit in and maybe finding love along the way. Why not do it with a song or two. It will be interesting to see where it goes, probably nothing unpredictable. But my heart does go pitter pat when I get to see cute gay love. And I ask, when is my turn?Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-20716453585138034832011-02-26T18:39:00.000-08:002011-02-26T18:39:24.719-08:00Another Lonely B-day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaEjp4UBitKnm4waPRpbPRbgjUdfe9CPfkiJjQYwkqXl70bsNIeWKvbXcEq_lCO-maPE1r3kwXr_LsXZZ25ByVvcIiZtKXyT8d23j4lCXoJx1ZsthwmXEhPQ4b-3fIsBgvJvUR3MPJ7QBd/s1600/2937791157_759ef88a43.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaEjp4UBitKnm4waPRpbPRbgjUdfe9CPfkiJjQYwkqXl70bsNIeWKvbXcEq_lCO-maPE1r3kwXr_LsXZZ25ByVvcIiZtKXyT8d23j4lCXoJx1ZsthwmXEhPQ4b-3fIsBgvJvUR3MPJ7QBd/s320/2937791157_759ef88a43.jpg" width="241" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><u>Lonely Birthday</u><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">In sitting alone</div><div style="text-align: center;">With a tear strolling down my face</div><div style="text-align: center;">And i think to myself</div><div style="text-align: center;">Why me?</div><div style="text-align: center;">There's no one to talk to</div><div style="text-align: center;">And no one to cry to</div><div style="text-align: center;">Why one of the days i should be happiest</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">My birthday</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I sit in despair</div><div style="text-align: center;">Waiting for someone to rescue me</div><div style="text-align: center;">From all this pain i hide beneath</div><div style="text-align: center;">But no more can i pretend</div><div style="text-align: center;">That life isn't hurting me</div><div style="text-align: center;">No one to trust</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I'm never good enough</div>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-21466438976048707942011-02-23T22:24:00.000-08:002011-02-23T22:24:04.905-08:00A tad bit of my creative sideI'm always a little reluctant to share my creative side but I found this little gem waiting further attention. Here we have a poem I wrote a little over 2 months after coming out to my ex... 21 days later was my 2nd major suicide attempt. They were very dark days indeed. At the time I immediately began setting the text to music SATB + Piano. It got dark enough where I had to walk away from finishing the piece. But I'm considering picking it up again after all this time.<br />
<br />
The Tree<br />
SMH 5/8/09<br />
<br />
The frozen earth in stillness lies,<br />
Dark and wint'ry in the night<br />
A fruitless tree stands amidst the snow<br />
While pale moon beams send their light.<br />
<br />
There was a time in Springs gone by<br />
The tree did abundantly share.<br />
Now frost and cold reign for a season<br />
Once laden branches are now desolate and bare.<br />
<br />
A master gardener once pruned the tree,<br />
And it became more choice above all others.<br />
Where some had withered, died, or wild they became,<br />
Not this tree, its fruit was the most desired of its brothers.<br />
<br />
Yet time labored on<br />
And no gardener came.<br />
To tend to this noble tree<br />
That it might still produce the same.<br />
<br />
Summer’s light to Autumn’s falling leaves,<br />
And not once to the tree did one tend.<br />
Its toils and its troubles<br />
Requiring the touch of a master to mend.<br />
<br />
A season of neglect and decay<br />
Quickly make a tree grow wild<br />
Much work it will take from a master’s hand<br />
To once again bring forth fruit undefiled.<br />
<br />
Winter’s grasp will thaw into spring<br />
Ending existence in bitter cold and strife.<br />
The warmth returns as does the gardener<br />
Bringing with it a chance for new life.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-84431261938873451822011-02-07T20:42:00.001-08:002011-02-07T20:44:41.330-08:00I've finally done itNow before anyone gets their hopes up in regards to my personal life... Sorry I have to continue to disappoint you there. I'm still waiting for the next dating experience to rekindle my hopes that its even worth getting out of bed in the morning.<br />
<br />
Now what have I done you may ask? Well I finally had the gall to send in my resignation to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I didn't take the usual route instead finding an e-mail of an individual working in the membership records department and created a short little form letter following the model of others who had done the same thing.<br />
<br />
I did that on Jan.1 2011 and chronicled it here at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/MormonWatchDog#p/u/5/NAFt1DREA3A">The Mormon Watchdog</a> as part of a new venture I will be undertaking from time to time. The opportunity of conveying thoughts in spoken rather than typed form seems even more cathartic. <br />
<br />
It seemed a worth while new year's resolution to finally go through with it all. The corporate institution that has become synonymous with Mormonism is becoming an ever increasingly hostile place and since I will never be going back to it officially getting out of it only seemed to make sense. <br />
<br />
Many people who leave the church out of either extreme duress or just personal choice often report a sense of relief and peace. When I had no such release it naturally warranted further investigation. Perhaps because I was using it as a bit of a media device, or, GASP, did I still have favorable feelings for the church? And then it occurred to me that I had genuinely left the church long ago and hence the lack of noticeable fulfillment.<br />
<br />
It has been over a month and no response or acknowledgment from any church official. My small experiment of trying to avoid the church's intentionally difficult hoops has not yet succeeded. Should nothing result in the near future I may end up taking the more conventional route and being far more aggressive in demanding an appropriate response.<br />
<br />
While I will save some of my fodder of "anti-mormon" propaganda for another day or my show I continue to be affirmed that Mormonism is neither the church of God nor Jesus Christ. It is and continues to be the very thing its founder created - one of ambitious falsehoods intentionally perpetuated to deceive those not willing to fight for that which really is truth. <br />
<br />
What makes Mormonism so successful is not that it bears a message of any sort of truth but those who are sympathetic to its message are apathetic to God's genuine truth as revealed in Christ Jesus. Mormonism is neither just nor supports justice. It is not passionate neither does it exude compassion. It embraces love as little as it loves those in its embrace. It is a trap in life's fog of the unsuspecting, the non vigilant, the apathetic, those who seek an easy formulaic way out of mortality so as to be endowed with the same powers God is purported to have. <br />
<br />
My dear friends this is not the good news of Jesus Christ. He came not to add to the law and make you waste your lives doing unending "ordinances for the living and the dead." He came to fulfill the law. It is grace through faith that saves us and not "obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel (aka just saying yes to corporate Mormonism)."<br />
<br />
While indeed being a former LDS person has poisoned my hope that God even exists it seems to reason the least that I can do for my gay breathren is say... Get out of "the church." It needs you less than it wants you. Don't squander your light under the bushel basket of Joseph Smith's fervent imagination. Place your light on the light stand that it may give light to the house. Some may indeed be called to course correct the errancy of Mormonism by letting their light shine with in it that the LDS people may become part of the true body of Christ. Only you will know if that is indeed what God has placed before you as your path. For you my fellow homos my prayers of God's richest peace, abundance, and ample portions of his divine revealing spirit. They will be tough times for you. My call was elsewhere in the masters vineyard preparing a way for those seeking a better way.<br />
<br />
For those who do not have this charter upon their heart and spirit... get out! Leave it be. Let those who are called work the fields and burn the chaff of inequity. The rest of the world needs your gifts and talents and most certainly your love. Don't squander it by burying it in the infertile soil of the LDS institution. Let the living waters of the true Christ given on the cross grow your gifts. We need you where you can fulfill your measure of who you were created to be.<br />
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Have courage in that which is just and right and not that which is deceptive and false. Yes the elect have indeed been deceived... have the strength to realize you may have been one of them. I certainly was. Yet there is a wideness in God's mercy that even Thomas S. Monson will never be able to comprehend. There is a love that even Dallin H. Oaks or Boyd K. Packer will never come to fathom.<br />
<br />
Bring your pioneer spirit to where it really needs to be and find true joy!Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-8464833889770390602011-01-15T11:03:00.000-08:002011-01-15T11:03:34.510-08:00What once was is no longerAt the beginning of the new year I had the thought of making my first post for 2011 a confessional of sorts. Just air all of my dirty laundry, wash it, and get it folded back up ready to be dirtied up again this year. Then it occurred to me that, despite the fact really this is personal therapy I happen to let people read... really everyone else in the world has enough of their own problems and is probably only interested in my droning only as a basis of comparison to their lives and what is or isn't going the way they'd like. I guess what I'm saying is that the likelihood of anyone caring is minimal... Of course it was never a prerequisite for this blog for anyone to even subscribe for me to keep it going. Its kind of shocking anyone bothered.<br />
<br />
But truth be told, the only reason I do anything in the public sphere anymore is for somewhat selfish means. I'll admit it. The only thing that keeps me out from under my inconspicuous rock of self pity is the fact I want a relationship. That's all any of it is about really. None of my 12 online profiles scattered about the gay world have got me squat in the 2 years I've been on this roller coaster. Sure if all I wanted out of life was meaningless sex I could have plenty of that until I'm too old to have it. And truth be told I've tried to just "get it out of my system" and yeah I've had a few random hook ups... since many purport everyone has a phase where they just want sex all the time. Well I guess that everyone excluded me too.<br />
<br />
There is nothing more shallow and hallow than meaningless sex, even if your attracted to the person. Every time I found myself thinking "if only I was more this person's type we might have a great relationship." But this way of life is no more fitting for me than hanging out at the gay bars and clubs. The music is nice but who cares when no one wants to dance with you.<br />
<br />
I took my ex out to dinner the other day. I owed her for helping me out over the holiday with some performances. We also needed to chat about some things she suggested. She was exploring the idea of having her boyfriend move in because he needed a place etc. but didn't have much money. Of course that one isn't going to go far until I can have a live in boyfriend myself. But I found myself saying somewhat to her surprise that if I had know then how difficult it was going to be trying to find some joy in my authentic gay self I may never have done so.<br />
<br />
Now I don't mean to be a gloomy gus, but none of this has been easy for me. I don't fit in to a single stereotype in which to make it easier for many other homos. I'm also not the toned, 120lb, 22 year old hunk I once was. Some of you young or gym obsessed guys have it much easier. All you have to do is lift your shirt or flex and you have dudes burning up your phone with texts asking you out.<br />
<br />
Its been over a year since I was last asked out or found someone willing to go out with me. And it has been an entire years worth of rejection after rejection. There was a time where I would say I can tough out anything... but not anymore. It's taken its toll on me and I'm at the end of wanting to go through anymore. I can't take any more emotionally and expect my health to remain stable.<br />
<br />
Despite it being the 2 year anniversary of my coming out, I'm one of the unfortunate few who have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel that others exclaim can be found. I've managed to come full circle rather quickly in 2 years from despair to hope to utter hopelessness. Maybe it gets better for everyone else, but I'm done expecting it to for me.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-81146613004782345902011-01-01T08:44:00.000-08:002011-01-01T08:47:09.497-08:00A Fascinating one hereFor what ever reason I'm drawn like a moth to flames with things like this. I guess this is a work in progress since the actual show isn't there yet. With such an epic movie trailer like beginning I'll be watching for what might actually be coming. Somewhat provocative I think<br />
<br />
<object height="186" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JQjBTM2MCno?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JQjBTM2MCno?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="320" height="186"></embed></object>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-33422510660538520542010-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:002010-12-25T00:00:08.258-08:00Peace, Love, and Goodwill to all<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:p14NfBvDKy2bzM:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/parothead310/Christmas.jpg&t=1" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:p14NfBvDKy2bzM:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v209/parothead310/Christmas.jpg&t=1" /></a></div>Too all of my loved ones and friends, may you have a very Merry Christmas and a fabulous holiday season. To all of my fellow homos be you single, married, a mohomie, whatever.... the warmest of holiday hugs (and/or kisses) from me to you (as long as any significant others don't object).Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-80872637744353987472010-12-22T14:01:00.000-08:002010-12-22T14:10:46.909-08:00Holiday Love?Yes so it has been a while since the last one of these. It is certainly a busy time of year in the organ business and certainly as a musician. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised I didn't get a flood of concerning notes from people wondering why I haven't posted in a while. It seems I am beginning to resign myself to the fact that despite the personal pep talks and the slightly naive optimism that "It gets better" that really nothing is getting better... at least in my personal life.<br />
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I could wax poetic gratitude for a stable job and one less thing to worry about, but really when you're on your own no one cares except you. Now some could say "my aren't we being negative," but I just call it how I see it. While I think the whole campaign by the Trevor Project was well meaning to give a little hope and give some sort of public address to what appears to be an ever increasing problem we must also realize that we are only seeing one side of the equation.<br />
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How beautiful it is to see all these well adjusted people share their stories of how life was difficult for them in high school and so on... and then all the sudden they met the love of their life and wow now life is great. Well that's all well and good but it does seem a little condescending to have such an approach. I mean they surely aren't going to put people on camera where life isn't the rosy picture of hope being painted. That would be counter productive to the marketing campaign. But what really are the percentages of gay people still struggling to find the double rainbow bliss being thrown at us by media? I would venture to say based upon my observations that the amount of people where things have "gotten better" is only about %33 and the rest are still waiting. And I am definitely one of them.<br />
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The holiday season is always one of great angst for me. I always seem to be struck with bad luck around this time of the year and a number of emotionally laden events have happened around the holidays. Quickly approaching is the date I came out to myself 2 years ago, already past is the date I began to question my sexual orientation 5 years ago. Only a couple days from now was my first attempt and painfully unsuccessful venture at finding lasting love, with a couple months from the date that relationship ended and also marking the date when I came out to my ex and all that ended. <br />
<br />
In my all too rare mental quiet time I find myself despairing. I'm always asking the question "When? When will all of this be worth the hell its been?" When will it get better for me? It never occurred to me that, in all honesty, coming out was the easy part of the whole thing and it certainly got worse before reaching a point of non-suicidal survival. But now, I'm forever impatiently waiting.<br />
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I have more online profiles for various dating and gay sites. More that I wish to admit. The vast majority of those produce zero interest in finding any sort of interaction, including one devoted to the Moho community. The truth is I could be far more successful as a prostitute than finding any sort of genuine relationship. As I have mentioned in a previous post all of my friends have found love, many with out even trying, some with out deserving it or suffering any heartache of bumbling through a relationship only to find out that the other person really wasn't interested at the time. Seriously, I feel cursed or diseased. It seems I am the only person not worthy of anyone's fancy.<br />
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I've given up trying to pray for it. I'm tired of trying to fight the almighty to find some sort of favor to get me the one thing scripture tells us we need to have and should show to all our fellow men. But I want more than friendly brotherhood love. For years my heart has ached for romantic, intimate love with one person ready to share in that. In all the tearful pleading by the bedside and walking out in the middle of a sermon at church talking about how much God loves us, I've managed to do a pretty good job of convincing myself God doesn't really exist. And it breaks what little of my spiritual heart I had left after fighting to get out of Mormonism.<br />
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My come and go friends, whom I do cherish, have suggested just forget about it. Just get used to being single and if you were meant be with someone it will happen when you least expect it. But how do just stand around and wait for something to happen? Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-77553787008609588882010-11-23T11:12:00.000-08:002010-11-23T11:12:04.234-08:00Winter sucksWell I'm glad to report that I made it home safe and sound with my car still intact after an 11 hour commute on the ice rink known as I-5. Like the boy scout motto says, "be prepared." Now if only I had someone in which to cuddle on this here snow day.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-53735237257348292082010-11-06T15:16:00.000-07:002010-11-06T15:16:45.640-07:00Coincidence? Perhapst NotHas anyone bothered to notice the freightening similarities between the "Mormon Helping Hands" vests with all requisite church logos and websites and the Yes on 8 posters? The obvious fact that the design is nearly identical should get your attention. Is it also a coincidence that they both came out at nearly the same time?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRZ1rCjZVhe3lGfpWwDxo4XaXrqCl0REFJDL_SAdeP2IcTc5cJngSAQLUluwONrr97heV_g0Zl9vDneJlA3nqTsAuL8OYev_jEm7S91JT4mCNQ6-2CBi4V1IdXPL5O7OmJ15QzFANUxBQ-/s1600/dsc_00062.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRZ1rCjZVhe3lGfpWwDxo4XaXrqCl0REFJDL_SAdeP2IcTc5cJngSAQLUluwONrr97heV_g0Zl9vDneJlA3nqTsAuL8OYev_jEm7S91JT4mCNQ6-2CBi4V1IdXPL5O7OmJ15QzFANUxBQ-/s400/dsc_00062.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlGoio1rpB4semPDErtlz-uzvOMqxCjzTCzeKLzXn0HTMT_kp0IqTCQdMZ7XO9cRhQHb6QSRMA6oduV096ZXyiYA7uglm9_lE5lATxBfI7xENN85nb6anOhlvdaGbneF3v7sESj3tiA7Om/s1600/YesOn8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlGoio1rpB4semPDErtlz-uzvOMqxCjzTCzeKLzXn0HTMT_kp0IqTCQdMZ7XO9cRhQHb6QSRMA6oduV096ZXyiYA7uglm9_lE5lATxBfI7xENN85nb6anOhlvdaGbneF3v7sESj3tiA7Om/s320/YesOn8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-19182979397321055232010-10-28T15:56:00.000-07:002010-10-28T15:56:32.202-07:00Televangelist Oral Roberts' gay grandson says "it gets better"Televangelist Oral Roberts' gay grandson says "it gets better" <br />
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A beautiful video.<br />
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<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KYa0wi4XzeI?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KYa0wi4XzeI?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-39615803204994831562010-10-17T16:49:00.000-07:002010-10-17T16:49:53.525-07:00The struggle of faith.For those of you who haven't seen this yet. Send Matt some love. Personally I think he's making the wrong choice for the wrong reason, but who am I to judge. But I believe it is obvious the church isn't doing a very good job at giving ALL of its members the happiness it promises if you are "obedient to the church."<br />
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qu2BL9paHdA">Matt Sutton recommits to Mormonism</a><br />
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I truthfully hope this isn't the beginning of another unnecessary tragedy.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-89318936569862680232010-10-13T12:00:00.000-07:002010-10-13T12:01:32.399-07:00The Mormon Response to HRC<object height="185" width="440"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tsR9HPhsjJ4?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tsR9HPhsjJ4?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object><br />
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<br />
"We don't condone physical violence officially, but we sure as hell don't want you getting married. Until someone re-writes The Plan of Salvation, you can still be lonely fence sitters in the Mormon idea of eternity." I'm done dealing with the Mormon plan of "how things are to be." How about you?Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-84867848279813269692010-10-09T22:38:00.000-07:002010-10-09T22:38:42.100-07:00Freedom to love: A new campaignI'm starting to go public with a concept. I'm dangling the carrot as it were to see if anything nibbles at it prompting me to go forward in what I'm sure will be both a positive and slightly controversial social movement.<br />
<br />
It all started with the events over the last couple weeks. First one suicide than another, than bullying resulting in suicide... Ellen's comments, the The Trevor Project's new campaign. The tipping point was the words of the president of the Quorum of the LDS 12 apostles, Boyd K. Packer at the most recent LDS General Conference. Those still connected to the Mormon dome are well aware of what a mess this has caused. I heard yesterday there was another gay teen suicide in Utah... the protest around temple square. I mean things have just gone sideways. A storm is indeed gathering and its not just the one outside my window right now.<br />
<br />
While waiting the hour to go off to work something popped in to my head. I've always felt that the gay community and the equal rights movement within the LGBT community was a little scattered. Perhaps we're all too busy or just a little to A.D.D,... oh look at the kitty.... Maybe its just me but it almost seems that since the loss of Harvey Milk things have been without a focus. We know what we want and what we're after, but the ship seems adrift. We need something to unify us in this cause of equality. Usually that is a person, a leader, but I don't see one. Or maybe there are so many spread across the country and the globe. There isn't a single thing anymore that brings us together... maybe having something, a focus will get us over the hump of frustration, of continued denigration, alienation, and so many other things. <br />
<br />
And then it hit me... why couldn't that thing be a song? Within a matter of minutes, since that was all the time I had, the words and the music came together. The rest of the idea took place over the next several hours. If this is a song that will express everyone then they need to lend their voice to what is expressed. With the number of musicaly inclined gays there are in the world, or just Mormondom if we want to be narrow focused, this should be quite a simple thing.<br />
<br />
So the initial idea blossomed further... I have provided the chorus, lets open up the writing of the verses to the homo world at large. A sort of contest. All they get is the chord structures and associated rhythm - aka the accompaniment, (and the preproduced chorus) they get to provide the rest. It seems like a good idea to give voice to what we are all feeling these days. I have no personal desires to gain a thing from this other than getting true equality here a little faster.<br />
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There are far too many lives being lost to wait another day or waste more time debating what God thinks of gay people and whether or not good Christians or Mormons should allow them to be who they are or get married if they so choose. An acquaintance told me, "wow, maybe you're the next Harvey Milk." To which I quickly said, no I don't have half the leadership qualities of Harvey. I have neither the face or poetic words to rally the troops... but I do have a song, and a vision. I pray it is a good as it seems.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-74474903321922965172010-10-08T21:00:00.001-07:002010-10-08T21:00:46.670-07:00Responses from members defending Boyd K. Packers talk (part 2From the previous member's brother<br />
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<span><div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_4cafdd916bef1201a2efd">Sean, God loves you, Boyd K. Packer loves you, I love you. I do not believe that you chose to have same gender attractions. I do not think that you are a bad person because you have same gender attractions. I don't believe that God thinks t<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">hat you are a bad person because you were faced with same gender attractions.<br />
It is my personal opinion that each individual in this life has things that they are faced with that may be really difficult. For one man it may be an overwhelming desire to look at pornography, or to spend their time reading romance books, or whatever.<br />
<br />
The point is, I have a right, you have a right, Body K. Packer has a right, and God has a right to share what each of us individually feels is best to do with our time while here upon the earth. We all also have a right to vote in accordance to our own beliefs for what is best for this nation.<br />
I and Boyd K. Packer strongly feel that it is not in anyone's best eternal interest to entertain or sexually act upon same gender attractions. I and Boyd K. Packer also strongly feel that it is not in anyone's best eternal interest to entertain or sexually act upon pornography attractions. <br />
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I and Boyd K. Packer also strongly feel that it is not in anyone's best eternal interest to have sexual activity or thoughts with anyone or anything outside of the bonds of marriage between a man a woman. This means that I and Boyd K. Packer feel that some people who are never married for whatever reason (perhaps they couldn't find someone who wanted to marry them), should NEVER engage in any sexual behavior then-- this happens A LOT in the church. <br />
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I and Boyd K. Packer feel that this is what God has declared. I and Boyd K. Packer try to vote and teach in accordance to what we believe God has declared. I expect you to do the same. But we do not hate you, we just respectfully disagree with you. I don't want you to be harmed, or belittled, at all. I don't expect that changing a law is going to prevent the sexual behaviors of people with same gender attractions, just as it doesnt prevent the sexual behaviors of people without same gender attractions who have sexual behaviors outside of the bonds of matrimony. I do have concerns that God is more displeased as this nation becomes less founded upon principles of righteousness.<br />
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I just want you to know that I understand where you are coming from though. If I did not believe that God had declared this, I would be upset too. For example-- If you belonged to a different church than me, and the leader of your church said that I shouldn't be married to McKenna and that what I was doing was offensive to God, I would be upset too. If I didn't agree with it, I would vote against it, and I would teach against it, I would post against it. I think it is an admirable quality that you fight so hard for what you believe and I respect you and love you as an individual.<br />
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Please respect and love people like Boyd K. Packer for doing what we think is right, just as I respect and love you for doing what you feel is right. Now-- that doesn't mean that I am telling you to stop doing what you feel is right.<br />
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I am sad that a lot of people hate those with same gender attractions. I consider you my friend, and I do not hate you-- I just disagree with you, but that is okay, we can still love each other as friends in my opinion.<br />
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I am glad that you have a determination to do what you feel is right. It does sadden me that our views of what is right are different, but I assume it saddens you too. I hope that you have and show respect for those like myself and Boyd K. Packer who seek to do what they feel is right, but who do not agree with you.</span></div></span>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-70275341933927697792010-10-08T20:59:00.000-07:002010-10-08T20:59:23.465-07:00Responses from members defending Boyd K. Packers talk (part 1)From a member I went to the same ward with in my younger days....<br />
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<span>Well, I’ve got quite a doozy of typing going on. I had to put it into a separate document and save it every now and then, so that babies could accidentally bump the plug in. I will all your words in ( ), so that it separate<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">s the speakers. I tried bold and colors, but it wouldn't copy over. That's kinda lame. It’s nice to get to have these little...no, LONG chats. <br />
Ok, so, here we go. And remember, I am not trying to be mean, just explaining my opinion. You can have yours and I can have mine. That is just fine. <br />
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(Packer ….. definitely follows the WYSIWYG ) ...I don’t know what that stands for, so if you’d enlighten me, that would be nice.<br />
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I went and listened to Boyd K. Packers talk just the other day, so I could review it. I was confused that people were calling it a hate speech at all. I really liked the talk and felt it was mainly dealing with how to get out of the trap of pornography. It lightly touched on same-sex marriage. In my opinion, I agree that just because something is voted on, does not make it right. I liked the comparison to gravity. If we vote and pass a law saying there is no gravity, it does not make it true or right. <br />
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--(pamphlet "To Young Men Only" (originally from the priesthood General Session Oct. 2 1976) that violence toward one who is "same gender attracted" is acceptable. It seems like a blanket approval of hatred through violence to me. )<br />
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So, I was interested in what was said there, so I checked it out. Here is what I got:<br />
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“It was intended that we use this power only with our partner in marriage. I repeat, very plainly, physical mischief with another man is forbidden. It is forbidden by the Lord.<br />
There are some men who entice young men to join them in these immoral acts. If you are ever approached to participate in anything like that, it is time to vigorously resist.<br />
While I was in a mission on one occasion, a missionary said he had something to confess. I was very worried because he just could not get himself to tell me what he had done.<br />
After patient encouragement he finally blurted out, "I hit my companion."<br />
"Oh, is that all," I said in great relief.<br />
"But I floored him," he said.<br />
After learning a little more, my response was "Well, thanks. Somebody had to do it, and it wouldn't be well for a General Authority to solve the problem that way"<br />
I am not recommending that course to you, but I am not omitting it. You must protect yourself.” <br />
-from the “To Young Men Only” info I found online.<br />
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In my summary of this tiny clip out of “To Young Men Only”, I do not see it as a call to everyone to be violent toward others, but a call to protect yourself from anyone trying to violate you. He does not say, “If you find out that someone is same-sex, you should beat them to a bloody pulp!” He is talking about a young man protecting himself from someone who is was trying to violate him. Though the story is a bit vague if he was just told, or actively coming on to him. It sounds to me that the young man was so shocked, it came out as a punch. Also, the young man felt bad about his blow, and was repenting of it. If a man was trying to rape me, I would not feel bad about hitting him to the ground. I would actually hope I could do even more to protect myself. Taser, pepper spray, and then get AWAY. You must protect yourself… that is the main message.</span></span><br />
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<span>I also don't believe homosexuality is a trap of Satan. If this were true Jesus would have been "curing" people of homosexuality too. )<br />
I do not believe it is a sickness, it is a sin. Jesus provided the “cure” which is available to all<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">. It is the gift of repentance. The reason why I see same sex attraction as a trap from Satan is that, first off, same sex marriage does not follow one of the first commandments that was ever commanded. Adam and Eve were told to multiply and replenish the earth. It was not said, “Do whatever you feel is drawing you in, and it’s all fine with me.” Same-sex attraction does not lead to families, and bringing God’s children to earth, and unity between husband and wife. All passions and desires are to be kept within the bounds the Lord has set. I believe this. <br />
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I am sorry, again if this is offensive to you or others. I am not trying to offend. What I wonder is; what is it that you and others want? It seems you are angry because of the Church is saying that it is “evil and wrong”. Do you want them to say there is nothing wrong, and this is pure righteousness? If so, I really don’t think the Lord is going to do anything different then he has ever done for those who choose to walk their own paths. He does the same as he has always done. Offer the plan of Redemption and the power of repentance and forgiveness. You mentioned being married. What I wonder, is why did you marry when you obviously didn’t love that person? I would rather be single, than married to someone I don’t love. <br />
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I want you to be happy Sean. But it is not up to me, or anyone else. It is up to the individual… kind of like the story of the 10 virgins, who were all followers of Christ and invited to the wedding. We need to find it for ourselves. It seems from your posts that you are full of anger and frustration at others. Why? Is it because you feel attacked? I am glad that we all have free agency and get to choose our own path in life. If you do not agree with the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints, then walk away, and don’t keep looking back and mocking or fighting. Religion is a choice, and you do not have to follow what the Church teaches. <br />
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Oh, you mention about the church’s support of Prop. 8. Or; marriage is defined as between one man and one woman. I think it was here in AZ too. I helped make calls to get opinions of this. I know about getting a legal marriage, because I followed it and paid $80 for a piece of paper and number...but I think marriage is more of a religious thing. An agreement between Husband and Wife and God. I wonder why the state even got into this? Is it for $? Back in the day, all a couple had to do was get whatever paster/preacher/sea captain they chose...that is for European nations, anyway. I guess they couldn’t choose a captain, there is only one on a ship. :) Anyway, about the religious thing, I may be wrong here, and I haven’t thought about it enough to form a complete opinion. But, I think marriage should only be a religious thing, and the state/govt should stay out of it. Separation of church and state. Because of this, the Church of Jesus Christ did not want it to be made law that the church had to accept same-sex marriages, and thus be breaking law by not allowing same sex couples into the temples of the Lord. This is all my opinion and thoughts here. So, I see the church/s making such a stand against this making same-sex marriage a law, because it is completely contrary to the teachings of the Lord. Thus, forcing what we believe to be “wrong and evil” upon us</span></span><span><span class="text_exposed_show"> </span></span><span>(You mention that you would indeed protest a law that forces you to believe something you don't agree with. With that same sentiment I find it shocking that members are puzzled why people would protest in front of temples and meetinghouse<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">s.) <br />
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What I find myself asking is, “Why are these people wasting their time and energy and life in protesting against what others believe, when they can believe as they want. No one has to join a church. <br />
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(To say nothing about how the church still comes to my home to endorse itself.)<br />
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Are you talking about missionaries? I am sure that if they knew you didn’t want them to knock on your door, they wouldn’t. Maybe you should put a sign up? Missionaries are not telepathic. :) That would be really cool.<br />
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(I guess we'll have to disagree about the division in the church.) <br />
I guess we will agree to disagree. I was looking at the <a href="http://www.evergreeninternational.org/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank"><span>www.evergreeninternational</span><span class="word_break"></span>.org</a> site and noticed a quote from Hinckley...which I already felt would be so. None of the leaders (prophets/apostles) of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints are pro same-sex because it does not follow the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But...I do agree that there is a LOT of reading of all kinds about all different topics. It’s nice to have so much info...but a bit overwhelming at times. A friend of mine, who was of a different church said that my church had too much info, and she only wanted a little pamphlet worth of reading. Lol. <br />
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(The gay youth homeless rate in Utah, where some believe the church is most true ) -the church is not more true in any one area than it is in another area of the world. Did you know that there are more members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints outside the USA, than in? ( is among the highest in the country.) <br />
I wonder, what do they consider as “youth”. If one of my children was 18, and living at home and wanting to do things in my home that I didn’t agree with, then I would say something to the effect of, “I love you, but I don’t allow this in my home. You can move out if you want, or you can keep the house rules.” ...That would include drugs, alcohol, R rated movies, or porn...or whatever else I don’t want in my house and yes, even chocolate chip cookies if I am on a diet. Would I still love my child? YESSSS!!!!!!!! If my child was younger than 18, they could live at home, but anything they do contrary to house rules would have to not be in the house or on the property. I cannot follow them around everywhere. That is not good parenting. I need to teach them, and then let them choose for themselves. That is exactly what the Lord is trying to do for us. And boy, it is hard to see loved ones not following the Lord. I love them so soooo much. I love them, but I don’t agree with their choices. And that is ok. <br />
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(Really the discussion could be about how (p)assionate some leaders and members are instead of debating whether or not gay is right or wrong or a choice or inborn. ) Wrong choice and not inborn. Maybe “The Family: The A Proclamation to the World” did not say it cut and dry enough. <br />
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There is a LOT of reading about love and support and repentance. More than there is about same-sex marriage being wrong.<br />
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Well, I think that’s about it for now. Again, you do not have to agree with me, or the different churches that don’t agree with your choices. You do not have to believe the same as other people. None of this is meant to be said in a mean way or belittling to you or others. <br />
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Thanks for all your thoughts too Sean, and God’s peace for you too. <br />
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Over and out. Oh, if you don’t want this on your FB wall, you can always delete it from the side options. I’ll still consider you a friend.</span></span>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2588029558996383885.post-41940505106241554872010-10-04T14:24:00.000-07:002010-10-04T14:24:40.512-07:00Let the s%$t hit the fan<span style="font-size: small;"></span><span style="font-size: small;"> Here is the first exchange between my dad and myself over the events of conference weekend.</span><br />
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<hr id="stopSpelling" /><span style="font-size: small;">Date: Mon, 4 Oct 2010 12:23:36 -0700<br />
From: dad<br />
Subject: Church<br />
To: me</span><br />
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<tr><td><span style="color: #7b0099; font-family: Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: small;"><div><div style="color: #7b0099; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;"> <div>Sean: I thought this should be more private than facebook. Sean it is very obvious to me that due to your upbringing you follow church events to see if any change may occur that would help you again identify with the LDS church. Sean, you need to stop torturing yourself this way. Focus on the good in your life not the negative. Focus on how you can do what you can now, not with who you were or where you've been.</div><div> </div><div>DAD</div></div></div></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><u><b>My Response: </b></u></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Dad,<br />
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Thanks for your concern. On the contrary my only awareness about the recent yet regular stupidity of the church is via my circle of friends and aquaintences. Yes, nearly all of them are gay and yes many of them have LDS backgrounds. Some of them still think they can fight the good fight and conquer their "gay sin" as Boyd K. Packer suggested this weekend. I have no desire what so ever to reunite or rekindle past associations with the church. They could marry gays in the temple today and I would not go within 1,000 miles of the church. I never fit in to their picture of "how the world and eternity is supposed to be" and will not make any future attempts to do so. I cannot, however, stand by and let the gross intolerance and injustices of the church be perpetuated. They are wrong and as was seen in California they are dangerously powerful - politically and financially. To have tens of thousands of members give of their finances (some surrendering tens of thousands of dollars of their children's college fund to the church) time and professional resources, all for the cause of blocking my rights and encouraging government endorsement of their faith without questioning their leaders, motives, or the consequences of their actions on society is a freightening thing.<br />
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I will not give in to my LDS indoctrination of "bowing my head and saying yes" and turning a blind eye to letting these men endorse on the world stage taking away my freedoms while spreading and promoting hate, fear, and repression to my gay 'brothers and sisters' in the name of their "one true faith." Mormonism, apparently, has yet to learn from the historic atrocities committed by the other "one true church," Roman Catholicism. You say to focus on the good. Isn't fighting for the right thing focusing on the good? Isn't working towards equality so that others may not have to suffer and go what I went through reaching for a better tomorrow? I am doing what I can now, but I often feel it is not enough.<br />
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As I have told some of my friends, if the bills could still get paid, I would give up everything for this cause. It IS that important! If sharing all of what I have gone through in my life saves but one struggling gay youth or adult, or causes one member of the church to stop and think before judging or voting to "protect traditional marriage/families" while denying me my happiness then it is worth all of the challenges.<br />
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Much love,<br />
~Sean~ </span><br />
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</span>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04561860729984232424noreply@blogger.com2