One house for sale

So the ex and I just had a meeting with our realtor about selling the house.  Sadly the news isn't good as others out there trying to sell already know.  We can't pay anyone enough to buy a house that we can in fact afford - at least together but owe more than the thing is currently worth.

Since we've been divorced for almost 8 months and she has been seeing her current boy friend for about a year I can see why she is upset and just decided to go out.  The poor thing was hoping ditching the house would be easier especially after all the work that has been put in to it.  I suppose if I was seeing someone and desired to ride off in to the sunset with that person and couldn't get passed the previous relationship I would have similar feelings.  But I'm not fortunate enough to be in that position.  While it may seem callous I don't have naive sympathy in this case.

I don't know how many times I said we're not going to get anywhere rushing to put the house on the market this spring so why the rush getting things done.  Perhaps she is looking for a place to assign the blame for this nightmare even occurring and would like to direct it to me.  Of course it's all my fault after all.  If I hadn't come out none of this would have ever happened, right?  Perhaps its also my fault as my world was crumbling to pieces that she seemingly fell in love with a guy that has little beyond a high school education, lives with his mother (still), and while he can just barely afford his car and phone bill makes a little better than minimum wage and can't swoop in to rescue her from some of her own choices.  But again, if I were in her shoes I might feel the same way.  For once I think I'm very grateful not to be where she is, aside from not having some sort of relationship with some cute guy.  I'm still looking for a guy that could love someone as nerdy as I am.

Gosh, why the heck am I making this about her?  This isn't her blog - she can go get her own.  So we really don't have any options on the house.  We either have to stick it out here and wait for things to get better, which I'm sure she doesn't relish, or we find a way to give it back to the bank with as few casualties to credit and personal finances etc. as possible.  In any case neither of the options are good.  When the realtor's bottom line was, "hey you're young you still have some years to fix the damage from all this" I almost wanted to laugh.  The house has probably been the biggest issue surrounding the whole mess of my coming out.  What is a gay guy to do?  Damned if I do and damned if I don't.  At least I can be honest with myself now.  That's at least one bonus in my favor!