Sunday, March 28, 2010
While out shopping
There is just something about weekends. I'm not sure what it is. Perhaps being away from the rigors of work brings it all to the surface. Now things are so touchy that it's difficult to go out shopping with out getting emotional about it. And not in a 'I'm pissed 'cause Kohl's doesn't have the stylish jeans I want' sort of way. I really hope this isn't a bad sign. I mean is this normal?
So I see a pair of guys obviously a couple. They were in the underwear section checking out the cute gay things on sale. I hope I don't need to explain gay underwear to everyone. Anyhow it was just cute watching these attractive guys. And of course I thought to myself, now see I need myself a guy to buy cute things for. I happened to notice one of them was carrying a box with the neatest little desk in it. I just had to see what else there was that might be worth checking out so I started looking. I went over to the housewares via the fun appliances. Oooo, I want one of each of those kitchen gadgets. You mean it crushes blends and stirs your frozen beverages. I need one of those!
And then I get over to the other section through the linens of course seeing all the nice bed sets and towels wishing I could buy a bunch. Some really nice picture frames - but I don't have any pictures of anyone. Those foot stool things with storage in them - classy. And I see a table in a box just like the one the guy had. It happened to be next to an attractive outdoor tent complete with a chandelier. It was very classy.
And then it hit me. What the heck would I do with any of this stuff? I a few months I'll probably be homeless - provided the house sells. I sure as heck have no one, not even any immediately close friends to share it with. And as usual every thing seemed so pointless. I just wanted to crawl in to the hole where the composter was and bury myself in it. The days of playing house are long since over. Before long it will be me, myself and I - and literally no one else. The idea of coming home to an empty, well, apartment are indeed even less appealing.
I had been told by a number of trusted sources that after the first year things get easier. Am I just to darned impatient or am I hopeless?
Hell week is upon me. I suppose I'll have to sweep this back under the rug for later.